Stalker Day
by FireLamp
Summary: Good hiding places are so hard to find these days... Rated T for Romano's potty mouth.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia Axis Powers**

**So, this is my first fanfic, starring the ever-grumpy Romano! I hope you like it~.**

* * *

Stalker Day

Romano poked his head out of the bush, eyes narrowing at the sight of his brother laughing cheerfully next to the flustered German bastard. After all, Feli might completely trust the guy but him? No way, Romano was way too smart for that potato-head. Which was exactly why he was hiding in the bushes supervising their date. Not stalking. Supervising.

"Excuse me."

The cool female voice sounded vaguely familiar to Romano, but he shrugged it off. He had a right to be hiding behind a bush, no matter what anyone said! No one, not even that France bastard, could force him away!

"_Excuse me._"

Now she sounded scary. Romano glanced over, a sharp counter ready on his tongue, but his mouth had only opened halfway when he saw the glowering Belarusian standing in front of him. "O-oh… Belarus…"

"You're in my spot," she said in an icy calm voice.

"Y-your spot, huh?" Romano, gathering up his (little) courage, retorted, "Well, too bad, it's taken, so go find some other bush."

Dark blue eyes narrowed, and Romano's life flashed before his eyes.

"I'm sorry! Please don't kill me—I have relatives in your country!" Leaping to his feet, he backed away quickly. "Take the bush, it's your bush. I'll go find some other place."

Belarus nodded curtly, and gracefully sat down behind the bush, her own gaze fixed on where her brother and a particularly terrified Chinese man were eating ice cream. Romano took this as an opportunity to run for his life to the other side of the park. Besides, Feli and the potato bastard had just been leaving the bench, anyways!

* * *

"Ve~ Doitsu, Doitsu! Look, it's a wishing fountain!" Feli happily trotted to said fountain, the muttering blonde trailing after him.

In a tree not too far away from the couple, Romano clung to the branch with all he had. He'd never been too good with heights, but it was probably safer than arguing about bushes with Belarus.

"D-damn it," he wrapped his arms around the swaying branch, praying furiously that it wouldn't snap and break. Forcing one eye open, he kept it focused on where his little brother was begging for a coin from the potato bastard. You know, making sure that he wouldn't shove Feli in the water or something. Because this was what all good older brothers did.

"Lovino? What exactly are you doing?"

Cringing inwardly, Romano opened his other eye to find a military-suited Swiss perched on a branch considerably higher than his own staring at him. Unsurprisingly, a gun was held loosely in his hands, and his eyes held only a slightly curious look, as though he didn't really care why the Italian was clinging on to a branch looking like he was about to cry any moment.

"Are you stuck?"

"No," Romano scowled back. "I'm just up here for fun."

Switzerland arched an eyebrow. "Is that sarcasm?"

"No!"

"All right, then," his fellow tree-climber switched his gaze elsewhere, to his younger sister cuddling up with a somewhat nervous looking (filthy, damned) silver-haired Icelander.

Romano twitched as Switzerland's hold on the gun tightened. "I'll… just be going then…"

"Suit yourself."

In a rather awkward fashion, Romano swung his leg over the branch, and promptly fell, landing flat on his face after the five-foot drop. Well, whatever! Feli and that macho potato were already heading somewhere else, anyway!

* * *

_Back to the bushes,_ Romano thought drily as he squeezed himself underneath a certain hedge. Good thing it was on the other side of the park from where he'd run into the knife-wielding horror. He shuddered inwardly, and returned his attention to the couple where they were now buying a couple balloons.

Feli looked delighted at the trio of green, white, and red balloons the potato bastard had gotten him, while the German himself received a triplet of black, red, and yellow. Romano tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy he felt, but… he wanted some balloons, dammit!

"Would you stop that grumbling?"

Romano almost screamed when he saw the blue-eyed glare directed at him. He wouldn't have thought the Nordic would degrade himself to the levels of crawling under bushes. But there he was… right next to him… creepily…

"It's making it hard to concentrate," Norway went on, lifting up the pair of binoculars around his neck as though to emphasize his point.

"Don't tell me you're st- supervising your little brother, too," Romano muttered. Seriously, what was this, Supervising Day or something?

Norway only stared at him with that dull blue gaze of his for a few more moments, and then returned his attention to where that small, innocent, doe-eyed, (slutty) girl was pressing up against Iceland. The whore.

Something was telling Romano to leave that hiding place. Not the large green troll that suddenly seemed to have sprouted from the Norwegian's back and was now smiling menacingly at him while cracking its knuckles, no, not at all. Just the fact that Feli and the potato bastard had moved on from the balloon stand. Yeah, that was it.

* * *

After that particularly nasty fall, Romano vowed never to climb a tree again. He would instead hide behind one, because nothing can hurt you while you're behind a tree. So here he was, watching carefully from behind a sturdy oak trunk as his little brother and the German bumpkin lay on a small hill and tried to make shapes out of clouds. He fought the urge to roll his eyes, and then decided there was nothing wrong with it, so he did it.

Then an acorn hit him.

Romano twitched, but ultimately ignored it. After all, acorns dropped from trees. It was natural.

Until twenty more nailed him in the head.

"What the hell?" he snapped his head up, glaring at the branches above. If Switzerland had somehow crossed from tree to tree, he swore he would…

Holland was glaring back, his trademark pipe placed firmly in his mouth. "What do you think you're doing?" his words were somewhat blurred as he tried to keep the pipe from falling out.

"What am I doing?" Romano hissed, rubbing his head where the acorns had hit him. "What are _you_ doing? Throwing acorns at people?"

"Belgium already suspects something's up with this tree. I don't need an Italian who's probably gonna scream out 'CHIGII!' or something like that in the next five minutes to confirm it."

Well, that was harsh.

"Leave."

"You can't tell me what to do," Romano growled back, rooting himself firmly to the ground.

A storm of acorns came raining down on him.

"Fine! But only because Feli's moving on, you got that? Damn pipe-smoking bastard…"

* * *

"Ice cream! Can we get some ice cream, Doitsu? Please~?"

Romano's stomach rumbled, and he placed a hand on it, muttering at it to be quiet. Sure, he hadn't eaten anything that day except for a small tomato earlier as he followed his brother to the park but that didn't mean his stomach could go ahead and make noises whenever it wanted.

He lowered the newspaper in front of him carefully, and then hurried it back up as the potato bastard turned in his direction. Well, the best hiding place was always in plain sight, as they said. So sitting on a bench with only a newspaper to cover his face must be the best hiding place of all.

"Enjoying the paper?"

Romano bit his tongue at the sound of the faintly familiar voice. He glanced to the side—yes, there he was. That… boy whom he'd definitely seen before. An accomplice of China, no doubt, considering how bored and Asian he looked.

"Who are you?" he asked bluntly.

"Hong Kong."

"Oh… right…" Not that he'd ever really known Hong Kong.

Following the younger boy's gaze, he saw America cheerfully offering Taiwan an ice cream cone. Of course that would be why Hong Kong was here. Romano once again tried not to roll his eyes. Seriously, why did everyone in this park either seem to be on a date or stalking the people who were on a date?

All of a sudden, America exploded, and Hong Kong disappeared.

Yup, that so wasn't weird. But… come on, could you really blame Romano if he fell over laughing so hard he almost cried? That American bastard's face had been priceless!

"Ve~ fratello! You're here too! Do you want some ice cream? Doitsu bought me a really big one—we could share~!"

Eh? No way! He'd been caught! And now that potato bastard was taunting him with ice cream! Like he would ever accept anything that German bumpkin bought! If he wanted ice cream, he would go over and buy some himself! Even if he didn't have any money and his stomach was loud enough for Switzerland and Holland in the trees to hear it.

"It's really tasty, ve~."

"… fine… but… but only 'cause I want to, you got that? It's not like I'm hungry or anything like that! It's not! Stop smirking at me like that, you potato-head!"

* * *

**Ah... I know it wasn't really that funny or anything, but I tried. Also, I'm sorry that some of the characters were kind of OOC. Thank you for reading it, though! I'd really appreciate any feedback, and criticism is welcome. **


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